Determination

Aggravated. Frustrated. Irritated. Mad. Sad. Bummed. Those are a few words that have been in our minds the last several days. We had "Doom Day" aka Weigh Day on Wednesday. I gained one pound, 207. Ryan was at 251 for the 3rd week in a row. It sucks feeling like you're doing everything right for no pay off. Honestly, it makes me want to give up. According to Audrey there's several reasons this could be happening for Ryan & for my gaining a pound. All I know is I wanted to murder that damn scale! I wanted to beat it into oblivion with a hammer! I know that destroying it won't change what it said to me. I know that the only thing that will change what it says is me are the choices I make. I know that I'll keep trying to make good choices & doing what's needed to get the results I want to see. You see, it has now become a war. A war I refuse to lose. I will battle my weight & I will win. It's been winning for far too long now & it's time it was put in it's place, far away from me.
So we're going to change up a few things with our caloric intake & our exercise & see if that doesn't move things along. In a perfect world we would have a trained chef to take care of all our food needs & be able to exercise as often as we wanted but since that's just not in the cards, we'll keep doing what we can to make it better on our own.
One thing that has been helping me is seeing other people going through the same things. I watched "I Used To Be Fat" on Mtv. Man, the work those kids put in was crazy but the results they got out of it were amazing! Not sure if I'd have the strength to work out 4-6 hours a day like that. Good for them for doing it while they're young. I also read Weight Watchers magazine & Shape and it helps to read about others who've struggled but have managed to get to their goal & stay there. My favorite inspiration, besides the encouragement from Audrey, is a book I got when we were in Salt Lake City about a month ago. It's a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book called "Shaping the New You". The stories in it are inspirational, funny & at times informative. What I'm finding out is that there's no easy or perfect way to do this. It's about changing your food choices, exercising, finding what works for you & sticking it out. So, I've made the changes in food choices, I'm exercising & now it's just the sticking it out. 
I'm still waiting for the "easier" part to start when it comes to not craving my favorite foods but the work outs have gotten much better. I walked 2 1/2 miles in 47 minutes the other night. Let me break this down for you: I've gone from barely being able to walk 20 minutes at a speed of 2.5 to walking over 45 minutes at a 3.2-3.4 & completing a mile in 18:45-19:00 since January, not to mention the other work outs we do in addition to the walking or elliptical. So, I know that's not a great time, but it was really good for me & part of it was going slower for my cool down time. When I hit that mile... pure elation! I love that I can do that now. Audrey is talking to us about a possible goal of walking (or running) a 10k at the end of July. I'm seriously thinking about it. On January 19th when we started I thought that was a pipe dream & something I'd probably never realistically think about doing. Now I feel that it might actually be attainable. I even get a little excited when I consider it. We'll see. Who knows, there may be an athletic spirit buried underneath all this padding after all....

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be."
--George Sheehan